Another semester has come and gone in art school world. I am all home now and started work today and that is kind of terrifying because it's an awesome but freaking exhausting job, and I have also been throwing myself into pole dancing and running and my constant search for a male companion of some sort and all that is KIND of overwhelming right now. Plus there is all this art business in my brain.

I am kind of freaking out a little bit inside that I am totally not good enough. At art, that is. I'm a boss at everything else of course. Besides men.

(You know what? I'm glad the term "boss" has finally caught on. I wanted that to be a slang word people used for years so I'm really happy I can use that without sounding like a doofus anymore.)

But seriously. I know I have a somewhat decent level of skill but I feel like I am just never devoted enough. I don't draw for fun very often. I feel like that means I am never going to be super great. Which is what it takes to get a job. I always end up writing blogs or sleeping or something. Bleh, I dunno. After a semester of straight up 2d animation class I am fairly certain that I am never going to pursue being a straight up 2d animator. I don't love it enough for the amount of jobs in it that are out there. But still, the whole idea is slightly concerning, considering that is the focus of my entire major...but there are so many other aspects to the animation form that interest me more! Still...I feel like something is wrong with me.
At the same time though I keep telling myself there are a lot of different things I want to do--writing, performance, entrepreneurship-- and I know I chose animation because I felt like it would be the course of study that would best prepare me for the kind of stuff I want to end up doing. Theeeen I start freaking out because I have too many interests and I shouldn't focus on being a jack of all trades but actually get super good at one thing so I can actually get hired and BLEH. I am not a prodigy, even though that is basically what I hold myself accountable for. My parents should not have told me I was smart while I was growing up. It totally gives me an inflated sense of what I think I should be able to accomplish. Hell, they STILL tell me that. It's not cool.

Ok, rant over. For now.

Why can't I ever write anything happy on here??

Also here is my youtube channel, which not only has all my animation from last semester, but my fantastic bad poetry vlog called "Meri's Spoken Word." It's pretty awesome. Please watch all 4 episodes and click the like button. Pleeease? [link] [link] [link]

Also here is the blog I started writing last January. It's cool. I call it "Sexless and Cynical." I'll let you guess why. [link] [link] [link]